Exposing Domestic Violence

This blog will expose domestic violence in the United States and will provide avenues of escape. This crime destroys women and children on a daily basis and it's up to you and me, the entire community, to identify it and stop it in it's tracks. I personally have seen it and stopped it twice in my lifetime and I'm telling you, yes you, the average Sally or Joe can help prevent and stop all forms of domestic violence.

Thank you for reading.

Rob Roy

Identifying Domestic Abuse

This article will attempt to illustrate the horror of women and children being subjected to domestic abuse. I've witnessed women being beat on and have played a role in stopping it. I'm working to create an annual Motorcycle Event here in Texas to raise money for this cause and bring abusers out into the light where law enforcement can deal with them properly. Battered Women's Syndrome can be termed to be a form of post-traumatic stress and is recognized as the psychological condition that can be use to describe someone who has been the victim of consistence and severe domestic violence. To be classified as battered women, a woman should fall through the cycles of abuse.

WHAT IS A CYCLE OF ABUSE?

A Cycle of abuse is an abuse that occurs in a loop pattern. Abuse can be identifiable as being cyclical in two ways: Generational and Episodic.


GENERATIONAL
This cycle of abuse are passed down, in pattern from parents to children.


EPISODIC
This cycle of abuse is in a loop pattern within the context of at least two individuals in the family tree. It may involve spousal abuse, child abuse and even elder abuse. A son is repeatedly either verbal or physical, abused by his father and will predictably treat his own children in the same way. When a daughter hears her mother frequently tear down, belittle, and criticize her father, she will adapt a learned behavior, which involves control through verbal abuse. Similarly, a child who witnesses his parents engaging in abusive behaviors toward each another, will very likely subject his or her spouse to the same abusive patterns. These are the exclusive examples of generational abuse. The episodic cycle of abuse has character of distinct periods of behavior that eventually result in an extreme episode of verbal or physical injury. Source Here

Amy's Story

This is a story of just one woman having to deal with an abusive husband. Amy's life could have been saved by the intervention of her community. I cannot believe there were not at least three respectable people in her community who would not step up in her defense. In my neighborhood we haven't had this happen in quite a while and if we as the leaders of our neighborhoods will give of our time and effort to prevent any domestic violence. We've done it before.

Warning Signs of Domestic Abuse

·  Does your partner physically abuse you?

·  Does your partner abuse you emotionally?

·  Does your partner call you abusive names?

·  Do you wear long or baggy clothes to hide bruises?

·  Does your partner monitor your emails?

·  Does your partner monitor your cell phone?

·  Does your partner threaten to hurt you or others close to you?

·  Does your partner force you to have sex?

·  Does your partner force you to perform sex acts you don’t approve of?

·  Do you make excuses for bruises and black eyes?

·  Are you isolated from friends or family?

·  Are your friends and family forbidden to visit you?

·  Is your partner overly jealous?

·  Do you call in sick because of injuries?

·  Does your partner monitor your mileage?

·  Do you make excuses for injuries?

·  Does your partner control who you may talk with?

If your answer is yes to any of these questions you are being abused.

Four Stages of Battered Women’s Syndrome

Stage One Denial

The victim refuses to admit they are being beaten and refuses to admit that it is a problem. They make excuses for their abuser deluding themselves into believing that it will not occur again.

Stage Two Guilt

The victim now accepts the reality of the situation but believes that they are at fault. They believe that they deserve the abuse because of their faults and that they are not “good” enough for their partner.

Stage Three Acknowledgement

The victim comes to realize that they are being abused for no good reason and doesn’t deserve the horror they live in. During this stage they will however continue to stay believing things will change.

Stage Four Victory

The victim comes to realize that their partner will not stop their abuse, and will not take it any longer. They then get the hell out or remove the abuser from their homes. At this point the victim should take advantage of free counseling while they make a new life.

 Donate Now

Battered Women's Shelters are often ignored when it comes to donations. I've heard others say they'd rather not since the abused often goes back to their abusers which is quite contrary to the truth. These women have left their past lives, friends and financial security in some case because they got tired of being beaten

Most of them go to shelters with no more than the clothes on their backs. Their children often in underwear because they had to make a quick getaway. These women need money of course and clothing. Many need basic items to start a new household such as beds, furniture and cooking utensils, i.e. what we all need to live in a house or apartment. There are cell phone providers who will give them free service just in case their abuser finds them and they need to call 911. At our local shelter my girlfriend and I are known, we don't give regular items to obvious charities anymore and we get new cell phones or from time to time or buy some prepaid phones and donate them. No matter where you are a battered women’s Shelter can be found.

Help For Domestic Abuse Victims

There are many online resources for domestic abuse victims. If you are an abuse victim help is available. There are battered womens shelters, free counseling and help for your children also. Have a friend, family member or even the police set up an escape plan for you. Believe it or not there are many upright men and women in this country that will help you.

Here are some links that deal with this issue.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline receives more than 21,000 calls per month from victims, survivors, friends and family members, law enforcement personnel, domestic violence advocates and the general public. Hotline advocates provide support and assistance to anyone involved in a domestic violence situation, including those in same-sex relationships, male survivors, those with disabilities and immigrant victims of domestic violence. All calls to the National Domestic Violence Hotline are anonymous and confidential.

The U.S. Department of Justice
If you, or someone you know, are a victim of domestic violence, sexual assault, stalking, or dating violence please know that help is available.

The Feminist Majority Foundation works for social and political and economic equality for women by using research and education to improve women's lives. The Feminist Majority Foundation Online features daily feminist news with 'take action' ideas, domestic violence and sexual assault hotlines.

Help for Abused and Battered Women 
You may be afraid to leave or ask for help out of fear that your partner will retaliate if he finds out. This is a legitimate concern. However, there are precautions you can take to stay safe and keep your abuser from finding out what you’re doing. When seeking help for domestic violence and abuse, it’s important to cover your tracks, especially when you’re using the phone or the computer.

Domestic violence against women Recognize patterns, seek help. Domestic violence is a serious threat for many women. Know the signs of an abusive relationship and how to leave a dangerous situation. 

Family Violence Prevention Services, Inc., provides residential and nonresidential programs to include emergency shelter, transitional housing, legal and educational services,substance abuse intervention, legal and therapeutic services linking all other homeless shelters, children's services, batterers' intervention, and drug-court liaison programs. All services are provided in English and Spanish.

Personally, I love a smiling happy woman. Their smiles light the world.

My Personal Interactions with Domestic Abuse

I first came in contact with Domestic Violence when a friend of mine and I were sitting on his front porch watching kids play and shoot the breeze. Suddenly our neighbor’s girlfriend comes running out her house next door terrified and crying. She and her husband were our best friends at the time. Her husband is running behind her and tackles her from behind, turns her over and starts to pound her face repeatedly. Oblivious to the entire neighborhood watching him, my friend and I run and drag him off her. As we’re holding him off we look down and notice her shirt has been ripped off and she is covered in bruises. Just then he breaks a little from our grasp and kicks her in the side. We beat him until he was unconscious.

When Police arrive we find that he has been beating her for months under the threat that he will kill their two daughters if she tells. Police determined by witnesses that we acted in defense of the victim and he is carted off to jail.
It was about eight months later we saw him come by his house to find it empty and his girlfriend and daughters re-located and a mob of still angry neighbors telling him he’d better move on. He did. We still hear from the girlfriend from time to time who has re-married to a loving man who treats her right.

The second time I encountered this kind of violence it was a nurse, Cindy, with whom my girlfriend worked. My girlfriend sensed that something was wrong from the bruises she came to work with and having a bogus excuse for each one. As time went on Cindy and my girlfriend became fast friends and were going to lunch, exchanging books and going shopping. After a while my girlfriend told me they weren’t meeting as often and she was looking more and more depressed as time went on. One day she confided that her husband had been beating on her because he thought my girlfriend was having an affair with her or maybe both of us. She was not ready to leave or take action at that time.

It was not even two months later Cindy called our house and as my girlfriend
was out shopping she reluctantly spoke to me to say her and her son were in fear for their lives and needed help. I told her to come right away and I’d help. In the meantime I called my girlfriend and told her to come home immediately which she did. As Cindy pulled up in front of the house I thought it may be better if she pulled in the driveway, so she did. As she came up the sidewalk I noticed that her face was black and blue and she had dried blood in her hair. When I saw her twelve year old son his left eye was swollen shut. Her husband had gotten drunk and went on a rampage.

My girlfriend automatically goes to dial 911 Cindy tries to stop her saying that her husband will beat her worse for this. I sat Cindy down and told her if she would do what my girlfriend and I told her she’d never be hit again by this man. Well before Police could get there her husband pulls up in front of my house and gets out and starts demanding we let her go. He starts coming up my driveway staggering drunk, pulls out a pocket knife and stabs one of Cindy’s tires. I came out of the house and he holds the knife towards me so I kicked him in the groin as hard as I could.
Just about that time the Police round the corner and all that they had seen was the kick. I’m immediately cuffed and put in the back of the Patrol car while his partner goes into my house to sort it all out. Minutes later the partner comes out and the two talk for a minute then let me out, un-cuff me, and thank me for helping out in this situation. That’s been about six years now and Cindy has not re-married but has been taking Kickboxing for four years now and is dating.

I tell these stories to say that violence against women and children is all our business. I’ve seen women and men alike put their tails between their legs, run off and deny in their minds that this is going on next door or in their own families. Meanwhile the victims languish in a violent prison seeing no way out. We as communities all over the world must reach out to the abused and in some cases stop it ourselves. If a young lady were to ask me what should do with their life and how to start it I’d say first off, learn to defend yourself. We live in a violent world where women and children are easy prey to domestic violence.
Rob Roy